tuning. . .

at times.. u feel like there’s more then one of urself.. u started talking to urself like there’s more than one inside u.. u contradict wat u say n started scolding urself.. u then start to wonder wat the hack happen to u.. u love yet hate the one or two in u.. cos one talks crap and the other makes sense but u jux cant stop the bitch in u and u started bitching abt others.. n u start saying fuck u to urself n u kind of go mad.. well.. the list can goes on n on.. but somehow.. i guess.. i noe the cause.. i’m tuning more then one string in me at a time that i started to create noise instead of music..

n the noise goes.. i wanted to study.. yes i did.. i wanted a job.. yes i found.. i want a better me.. so i started to read more.. i want a bigger bed n so i work harder.. i wanted to revamp my room n there i go continue to work harder.. i wanted to buy stuff for my love ones n ya.. i work till 8pm or 9pm jux to make sure i’m in the lead.. i wish i can concentrate or give my full attention either to my work or studies but i cant cos they work both ways.. its impossible for me to jux study cos i wouldnt have the money to.. n if i work n not study i don feel good cos i'm not upgrading myself.. ya.. they tickle each other which can be irritating at times.. i feel like giving up cos the cost n time for studies is kind of killing.. but then again.. i'm already at term 3 and 3 more to go.. half way there don give up.. well.. i wanted too much of myself till i felt like i was drank even when i drink water.. tuning n tuning jux to create a better music for myself n ppl ard me.. but sometimes i wonder.. how much can i tune? maybe bcos of my age.. i’m not patient.. i want means i want.. i want to be.. i noe i can.. n i am so eager to do whatever i can so i can be who i wanted myself to be.. i get so angry with the impatient self tat i pointed middle finger to myself in the mirror.. i sit down n listen to music n start to tear for no reasons.. i jux wish i have the power to stay awake thru out tis year so i can tune all the strings in me to my desire pitch.. well i noe.. one string at a time.. n be more patient.. tat’s wat i need to do.. i’m suppose to study now.. but if i don get tis out of me.. i will break all the strings in me.. yawns~ i actually have research for my work as well.. but.. like i always say.. no worries.. i have got the time.. i will have to fuck myself if i take all my time for granted..

i notice a lot of self self in tis entry.. but hack.. i have more then one in me.. LOLz!

well.. byebye 15O7.. i’m going to do some research.. then ko..